You can do better. It started one night when we realized that we were both pining over the respective guys that we were seeing (or maybe more accurately, trying to see) and evaluating our own behavior towards them, asking what we could have, should have, would have done differently.
Then we realized that we could have, should have, would have done nothing. If the way these men were treating us was making us unhappy, then why should we be questioning ourselves? And "You can do better" was born.
We realized that if someone's behavior is a source of unhappiness or discontent, then not only would we be unable to change the person to make us happier, but it wouldn't even be worth the effort! So we made a list of everything that made us unhappy, everything that we should not allow ourselves to settle for, and said that if someone we were seeing belonged on the list, then we could do better. Sometimes it's funny, sometimes it's heartbreaking, but it's always true. And once it was written down, it was like a big dose of reality and empowerment rolled into one.
The purpose of "You can do better" is not to set impossible standards or refuse to compromise. "You can do better" is about not compromising respect and fulfillment. It doesn't matter if he's into you or not, but if he can't pull it together for you, then you can do better!
If you're pretty sure you've only ever talked to him while he was on acid, then you can do better!
If he has a tattoo of his grandparents' faces on his chest, then you can (probably?) do better!
If (after you've been dating for a month) he shows up at the same bar as you with a different girl, and doesn't understand why that would change anything, then you can do better!
If his browser automatically completes any web address with a porn site (with one for every letter of the alphabet), then you can do better!
If he has followed through on exactly zero of his promises, no matter how small, then you can do better!
If, in the same sentence, he says he loves you and wants to marry you, but wants to date other people for a few months in order to be sure--and he says all this while you are in bed together, then you can do better!
If, after many dates, she refuses to commit to you and keeps saying "let's just see what happens," then you can do better!
If he moves to another city for business school, breaks up with you despite your offer to find a job and move with him, then offers as condolence that he is still willing to look over your resume for you, then you can do better!
If he tries to use moves on you inspired by Mystery the pick up artist, then you can do better!
If he normally does not have facial hair but shows up to break up with you with a mustache (something that looks like this: http://www.virginmedia.com/sport/galleries/famous-moustaches.php?ssid=3 ), then you can do better!
If he spends his month-long Panama vacation insinuating that he misses you and asking you to make fun plans when he returns, but then on the day he returns he texts you that "all he needs is to see you tonight" only to break up with you, then you can do better!
If your friends genuinely wonder if he is a sociopath, then you can do better!

If, immediately after you break up, he says that this experience will help you both to 'learn from this so we don't get hurt in the future,' then you can do better!
If he stops by to break up with you while his sister is getting her hair cut and says that he needs to go when she is done, then you can do better!
If he brags that he is almost 30 and hasn't matured past his teen years, then you can do better!
If he brags about stealing someone's tab at a bar, then you can do better!
If he starts freak dancing with another woman at the surprise party he threw for you, then you can do better!
If you can tell that he's thinking about another girl while you're in an "intimate moment," then you can do better!
If he's married, and tries to convince you that it "isn't a big deal," then you can do better!
If he pulls out his special massage oil for when girls come over on the first date, then you can do better!
If he asks for your number while you're giving a presentation to the substance abuse program he is in, then you can do better!
If he has a Georgia O'Keefe painting on the wall because "he wants to show you how much he loves vaginas," then you can do better!
If he wants to tie you up on the bed he bought specifically for this purpose--and it's your first date, then you can do better!
If he think it's sexy for you to wear his ex-girlfriend's prom dress, then you can do better!
If he breaks up with you because "he's not ready and it wouldn't be fair" and then turns around and dates other people, then you can do better!
If, after you hook up, he recounts graphic details of his various threesomes, then you can do better!
If he tells you he doesn't think he can ever marry you because you're not into Metallica, then you can do better!
If he buys your drinks but texts you two days later to say that you owe him for it, then you can do better!
If he starts dating two Russian prostitutes immediately after breaking up with you, then you can do better!
If he thinks that regaling you with stories about playing "Edward Forty-Hands" in college is good conversation, then you can do better!
If he thinks Obama wasn't born in the US, then you can do better!
If he tells you that you "don't know what real pain is" while you are in labor with his child, then you can do better!
(for boys) If she won't let you have a bachelor party, then you can do better!
If he tells you that he has an Asian fetish, and makes moaning sounds when an Asian woman walks by, then you can do better!
If he hits on you via Twitter, then you can do better!
If he only calls you between girlfriends, then you can do better!
If he says that he'll call you once he breaks up with his girlfriend, then you can do better!
If he never asks you how you are, then you can do better!
If he tells you that you aren't 'allowed' to get a tattoo, then details the one that he is planning to get, then you can do better!
If he doesn't notice your eyes glazing over, then you can do better!
If his interest in seeing you seems to have a direct positive correlation with your disinterest in seeing him, then you can do better!
If he has a veritable shag-rug of back hair (even if he shaves it just for you), then you can do better!
If he listens to self help books on tape to get to sleep, then you can do better.
If he suggests that you listen to his creepy self help books on tape to get to sleep (because he made you cry), then you can do better!
If he communicates important information concerning your relationship by cc'ing you on an email to someone else, then you can do better!
If he texts you asking if you're up for "a little slap and tickle," then you can do better!
If he posts a picture of his butt crack on Facebook, then you can do better!
(For the boys:)If she mistakes a picture of your brother for you and says that you look much better without your glasses, then you can do better!
If he says he doesn't think about you when the two of you aren't together, then you can do better!
If you find yourself constantly explaining why it doesn't matter that you find him unattractive, then you can do better!
If the best compliment he's given you recently is "god, I forgot what a porn star you are" while you are pleasuring him orally, then you can do better!
If he calls his penis his "d" in a text message and then goes on to describe what he wants you to do to it, then you can do better!
If he describes his ideal life partner and she's the exact opposite of you, then you can do better!
If he uses you to gain a bus driver's sympathy to duck out of a two dollar bus fare, then you can do better!
If your second date is in court, then you can do better!
If you spend an amazing week together and when you leave she refuses to stay in contact with you, then you can do better!
If she tells you she started seeing someone the DAY after you've returned from visiting her half-way around the world, then you can do better!
If you spend time and money to cross thousands of miles to visit him and he doesn't think it's worth it to do the same for you, then you can do better!
If he promises to visit you, later tells you he doesn't have the time, and instead spends two months road tripping across the states with another girl, then you can do better!
If he calls you "cuddlecake," then you can do better!
If, immediately after taking your number, he asks if you've ever been a mistress before and if, when you decline, he sends a text attempting to explain himself as follows: "I just wanted to be honest with you," then you can do better!
If he wants you to wear pigtails and ruffled socks, then you can do better!
If he enjoys offending you, then you can do better.
If he has a Boston accent, but isn't even from Boston, then you can do better!
If he turns sweet nothings into a competition, then you can do better.
If he says he just doesn't think about you when you aren't together, then you can do better!
If he had sex with your friend, then decides that he wants you, and texts her after you turn him down, then you can do better!
If he says, "we're both broken," then you can do better!
If he licks you and says, "you taste salty, like a saltine cracker," then you can do better!
If he buys a ticket to fly out of state to see another girl the day after you fly out of state to see him, then you can do better!
If he makes you pay for your own drinks, then you can do better!
If she gets banned from a jail, then you can do better!
If he gives you back "the sweater you left at his apartment," but it clearly belongs to another girl, then you can do better!
If he gets banned for life from the dive bar at which he has been a regular for months, then you can do better!
If he think he's complimenting you when he tells you you're the least man-hating feminist he's ever met, then you can do better!
If he assumes you will enjoy cherry flavored cloves "because you're a girl," then you can do better!
If he's a fan of taxidermy (unless you also are), then you can do better!
If he flirts with you by showing you the pictures in his iphone, then you can do better!
If he follows you around to "protect" you (inspired by Twilight), then you can do better!
If he sneaks into your room to watch you sleep (inspired by Twilight), then you can do better!
If he asks you to fix his car so he can date another girl (inspired by Archie Comics), then you can do better!
If he says he "doesn't believe anything crazy... like evolution," then you can do better!
If he would prefer to email back and forth with you than see you in person, then you can do better!
If on your first date, he's fallen asleep by the time you get back from the bathroom, then you can do better!
If you're in a relationship and he refers to you in conversation with exes and/or female friends as "some girlfriend" (as in "I was at the party with some girlfriend"), then you can do better!
If you've confessed to having liked him for more than a year and he drunk dials you one night to ask if he "should go to bed or...", then you can do better!
If he invites you to his concert, where you don't know many people, only to ignore you most of the night, then you can do better!
If he says he likes you, then starts hooking up with your best friend, but tells you he still likes you a few months later, then you can do better!
If he gets you a stuffed STD bacteria for your birthday, then you can do better!
If he spends the whole night telling you how awesome he is while trying to look down your shirt, then you can do better!
If he asks whether a friend of yours is seeing someone, and on learning that she is, asks whether you are and says you're "pretty cute," then you can do better!
If he is a shameless flirt with you and every other girl in sight, but he turns out to have a girlfriend, then you can do better!
If he hits on you all day and then invites you along as a third wheel on his date, then you can do better!
If he says "I was wearing ironic t-shirts before it was cool," then you can do better!
If he cheated on you with someone he met at a gas station, then you can do better!
If at any point in the relationship you feel it necessary to use a lie detector on him, then you can do better!
If during your date, you get a fortune in your cookie that says, "Watch your relations with other people carefully; be reserved," then you can (probably) do better!
If when he takes your hand, the first thing that comes to mind is "I can't wait till he lets go," then you can do better!
If you met him on a reality TV show, then you can do better!
If he has appeared or could possibly appear on VH1's "Tool Academy," then you can do better!
If he doesn't bother to let you know he's going out of town when you had plans to hang out, then you can do better!
If you find yourself telling him that you have a boyfriend when you really don't, then you can (both) do better!
If everyone tells you you're the perfect couple and you feel like you talk about everything but he breaks up with you anyway without any kind of warning and says it's because he's not happy, then you can do better!
If he lies about his feelings for any length of time before breaking up with you and even goes as far as to tell you he loves you before breaking up with you, hugs you while he says "I'm breaking up with you" and gives you a sympathetic smile afterwards, then you can do better!
If sometimes he greets you with a hug, but other times he acts like he barely knows you, then you can do better!
If he begins statements with "all men" and what follows is a generalization about their sexual preferences, then you can do better!
If he proposes marriage because you mention that you inherited 2,000 dollars, then you can do better!
If he cuts you off when you're discussing your thesis topic with the statement "I'm a student of the law," then you can do better!
If he tells you that your shyness makes him "want to do weird stuff to you," then you can do better!
If he rear-ends someone with your car and then makes you switch places so it looks like you were in the driver's seat all along, then you can do better!
If after you've told him you have a crush on him, you ask how he feels about it, and he answers "neutral, but not repulsed," then you can do better!
If he vomits out his car window while driving, but doesn't stop the car or slow down, then you can do better!
If he thinks he has had a successful summer because he got three people to take up smoking, then you can do better!
If he has, or has had a reputation as the "dormitory bicycle," then you can do better!
If the thought of him reproducing makes you cringe, then you can do better!
If your introduction to him involves him breaking a glass (because he's stoned) which lodges shards in your foot, then you can do better!
If he's stoned so often that you can't distinguish when he is from when he isn't, then you can do better!
If rereading one old email from her makes you feel instantly suffocated, then you can do better!
If she feels compelled to say "It's not like I'm needy, but...", then you can do better!
If he inexplicably and noticably avoids eye contact for an entire night after flirting with you, then you can do better!

If he goes to a party with his ex and has a drunken "accident," then you can do better!

If his idea of courtship is trying to get you to drink at work and then leave early to hook up with him, then you can do better!
If he makes that gesture that involves holding up both fingers to his mouth and sticking out his tongue (you know what I'm talking about), especially referring to two girls who are merely greeting each other in a friendly manner, then you can do better!
If even (to be distinguished from only) in your dreams he's a jerk, then you can do better!
If he sends you drunk, emotional text messages and then acts like you're crazy when you later address his concerns, then you can do better!
If he writes a song about wanting to catch Chlamydia, then you can do better!
If after several dates, he texts you saying that he's too "...distracted" by his ex to call you, then you can do better!
If you have to request his friendship multiple times on Facebook or Myspace before he approves your request, then you can do better!
If when you apologize about calling him a douchebag in an email/text/facebook message, he ignores you, then you can do (and act) better!
If he aggravates you so much that you find yourself doing crazy drunken girl things, like loudly screaming that he is a douchebag in public, then you can do (and act) better!
If his flirting technique has yet to progress past the first grade level (e.g. pushing you and then running away), then you can do better!
If he's slept with one friend and throw a drink another's face, then you can do better!
If he has been formally introduced to you (multiple times), acts interested, but never approaches you, then you can do better!
If he tells you to get beer, but doesn't pay you back for it, then you can do better!
If he begs you to let him come into your apartment to have sex and later says he's trying to stop sleeping around, then you can do better!
If he doesn't have condoms and can't wait to to have sex before buying them, then you can do better!
If he kisses another girl before trying to go home with you, then you can do better!
If he initiates unprotected sex, but afterward gets mad at you for not telling him your sexual history and calls you a slut, then you can do better!
If he claims he hasn't done drugs in years (because he had problems with addiction no less), then tells you he just bought a bag of pot last night, then you can do better!
If he lies on top of you, calls you his little pony and tries to brush your hair, then you can do better!
If the same trash and empty food containers are strewn around his apartment a week after you first saw them there, then you can do better!
If you can't seem to figure out who his girlfriend actually is, or if he even has one, based on the girls to whom you see him talking, then you can do better!
If you are both past legal drinking age, and he thinks being three years older than you entitles him to constantly patronize you, then you can do better!
If he complains once you've dumped him about having to pack up all his stuff alone even though it's in your apartment, you're away and he has been staying with you because he's too cheap to get a sublet before his new flat opens up, then you can do better!
If you suspect one of his ex-girlfriends has already posted to this site since his favorite book is Catcher in the Rye too, then you can do better!
If he gets angry and self-righteous and resents you for asking him to change his behavior, then you can do better!
If he buys you a cactus for Valentine's day, then you can do better!
If he doesn't tell his best friend to f*** off after he makes a pass at you, and doesn't man up enough to tell him he doesn't want to go to strip clubs with him even though he tells you he thinks they're exploitative, then you can do better!
If he can't grow a pair, then you can do better!
If his response to "I'm thinking about going to grad school" is "You're just going to waste a lot of money," then you can do better!
If you mention that you are currently reading a Jane Austen novel and he asks "didn't she write the one about the Gorillas?", then you can do better!
If when you invite him to hang out and he doesn't show up, your primary feeling is relief, then you can do better!
If you two have a song, but it's Bob Dylan's "It Ain't Me Babe," then you can do better!
If when meeting your parents for the first time he describes his relationship with you as "friends with benefits," then you can do better!
If he falls asleep before he removes the condom, then you can do better!
If he refers to your mother as "it," then you can do better!
If his definition of foreplay is watching twenty minutes of porn, then you can do better!
If the morning he's gone and you notice he left a one hundred dollar bill on the nightstand, then you can do better!
If during your relationship you've faked more orgasms than you've actually had, then you can do better!
If he leaves his trash on the theater floor and says it's the staff's job to pick it up, then you can do better!
If during every conversation, you feel like he's speaking at you instead of with you, then you can do better!
If he doesn't call you back until several weeks after your first date (and he hasn't, say, gone on vacation or fallen off the face of the earth), then you can do better!
If he asks you out but neglects to mention the ring on his finger, then you (and she) can do better!
If one (not even mean) email from him sends you into a tailspin where you feel like you'll never meet anyone else or have a job you love or find meaning in your life, then you can do better!
If he left his wife and kids for you, and he doesn't have a job, then you can do better!
If he broke up with another girl to be with you because he "always wanted to see what it would be like with someone skinny and blonde," then you can do better!
If he thinks it's okay to break up with you every summer so he can have some "seasonal fun," then you can do better!
If during break-up sex he pulls back at the last minute and says he can't finish unless you get back together, then you can do better!
If he tries to impregnate you without your knowledge, then you can do better!
If he tells you there's no point in using a condom because he has "special" sperm that will get through anyway, then you can do better!
If he tells you to take your glasses off, and then says that you look better with them on, then you can do better!
If he randomly sends you an email two years after you broke off your engagement to tell you that he's not over you, then you can do better!
If he wants to play strip poker with only you and your best friend, then you can do better!
If he makes "time of the month" jokes more often than it could be that time of the month (or at all), then you can do better!
If he makes jokes, but freaks out when you're actually having your period, then you can do better!
If he gives you a speech about not wanting a relationship over a month after the last time you hooked up and when you've said nothing about wanting to date him, then you can do better!
If you can't remember to contact him, then you can (both) do better!
If at the end of a date, you're thinking "please don't kiss me!", then you can do better!
If he kicks you out of his house just after sunrise because he has to meet with his probation officer, then you can do better!
If you meet him at his arraignment, then you can do better!
If he has a pregnant wife but still makes a move on you, then you can do better!
If he still won't introduce you to his parents after two years of dating, then you can do better!
We are so excited that Maura Kelly posted about us in the blog she writes for Marie Claire Living Flirtatiously! Read what she said about us here. She did a great job summarizing what we're about and picked great entries to share with her readers (although we really do love them all equally).

Thanks to everyone who has contributed thus far!

If you haven't yet, now (or whenever you feel like it) is the time!
If you say it's time for you to go home while you're making out with him (for only the second time) and he responds "It's ok. We'll pretend this never happened!", then you can do better!
If you find his name on a registered sex-offender database and all he can think of to say in response is "who told you about that?", then you can do better!
If he introduces you to his obscure indie music collection by asking you if you've heard of each band in succession and then forcing you to read the liner notes, then you can do better!
If he self-identifies as an "artist" but doesn't create art, then you can do better!
If he self-identifies as a "writer" but doesn't write anything, then you can do better!
If he spends two months convincing you that you should move in together, then backs out a week before you have to sign the lease, then you can do better!
If all his friends are women, but none of them are actually his friends, then you can do better!
If he once made a girl lick the condom dry to make up for the fact that she insisted on using one, then you can do better!
If a girl does his homework for him, then you can do better!
If he trash talks the girl does his homework for him, then you can do better!
If you only hang out with him because his apartment is conveniently located, then you can do better!
If he buys you a really fancy expensive dinner and then uses the expense as leverage to get you to put out, then you can do better!
If he won't hold your hand, then you can do better!
If you don't want to hold his hand, then you can do better!
If he wants to sleep with everyone and everything in his life, including the dog, then you can do better!
If he comes back to you for attention between break ups with his ex-girlfriend, then you can do better!
If he tells you that he needs to have lots of sex but can't have a relationship because he wants to focus on "his career," then you can do better!
If she knows you like her, but insists on flirting with you and removing her own and your clothes, even though she has no interest in being with you, then you can do better!
If your best friend's eleven year old brother thinks you could do so much better, then you can do better!
If he was horrible to the last girl he really liked because his family didn't like her religion, then you can do better!
If he tries to get you into his pornographic anime, then you can do better!
If he can't tell you the truth about very basic things like what time he went to bed the night before, then you can do better!
If he can't manage to say anything nice about your outfit, then you can do better!
If you're too sick to move and ask her to pick up tissues for you on the way back from class and neither the store nor your room is out of her way, but you still have to call your best friend two hours later to do it instead, then you can do better!
If she tells you about how she went up and hooked up with three guys to "see if she still likes men" right before asking you out, then you can do better!
If you are BOTH rebounding, then you (both) can do better.
If he decides to stay an extra day at his parents' house instead of coming to be with you during a pregnancy scare, then you can do better!
If he nearly blows up your parents' house trying to make you a cup of tea, then you can do better!
If he forces you to touch him in ways that make you uncomfortable, even if you've very clearly moved your hand away, then you can do better!
If he doesn't understand that no means NO, then you can do better!!!
If he says you can't do better, then you can do better!
If he takes pride in cheating and/or slacking off at school and/or work, then you can do better!
If all of his favorite books happen to be on the required reading list for business majors at your university, then you can do better!
If he reads the website Askmen.com, then you can do better!
If he blatantly lies about his height/weight/income/age on an internet dating website, then you can do better!
If he doesn't want to be seen in public with you, then you can do better!
If he tells you he likes you and then hooks up with someone else, then you can do better!
If you find out he was hooking up with you while he had a girlfriend, then you can do better!
If he still gets wasted and does hard drugs often in his mid-thirties, then you can do better!
If he tells you that he's poly amorous and can maintain many relationships at once, then you can do better!
If he checks out other girls in front of you and tells you which ones he likes, because they look like his ex, then you can do better!
If he pressured you into being in a relationship with an ultimatum, then you can do better!
If he thinks a handgun he bought at the pawn shop is a good idea for a wedding gift, then you can do better!
If his parents have him arrested, then you can do better!
If you have an order of protection against him, then you can do better!
If it's hard not to laugh during foreplay, then you can do better!
If he takes you out on Valentine's day and asks if he can date your best friend, then you can do better!
If he describes to you his "perfect woman" and she is your complete opposite, then you can do better!
If he says he doesn't want a relationship and then asks if you know anyone you can set him up with, then you can do better!
If he causes you to give up on dreams, then you can do better!
If you break promises to yourself because of him, then you can do better!
If he talks to his ex on the phone for hours while he's hanging out with you, then you can do better!
If you are afraid to call him because he's "running out of minutes," but he spends hours talking to his ex on the phone while he is hanging out with you, then you can do better!
If he makes you pay him fifteen dollars for the three texts you sent him, and follows that by not contacting you for a week, then you can do better!
If he makes you pay for his gas when you are also financially limited, then you can do better!
If he believes that you have to have excessive amounts of money to have fun, then you can do better!
If he believes that you need excessive amounts of alcohol to have fun, then you can do better!
If he complains to you that he hasn't had any fun in the last few weeks, and in the last few weeks most of his free time has been spent with you, then you can do better!
If his definition of spending "quality time" with you includes putting you to work cleaning his apartment and ironing/mending his clothes, then you can do better!
If he invites you for the weekend, gets black-out drunk and leaves with another girl, stranding you at a party where you know no one, then you can do better!
If he uses emotions to play people, then you can do better!
If he thinks that he's doing you a HUGE favor by making time to see you, then you can do better!
If he treats you with no respect but still believes that he's the best thing that's ever happened to you, then you can do better!
If he's dated all your friends, then you can do better!
If he's dated all of your friends, and they've warned you he's a shitty boyfriend, then you can do better!
If he constantly tells you how much he loves his ex, then you can do better!
If he always talks about how much his other friends matter to him, but not you, then you can do better!
If he only laughs at his own jokes, then you can do better!
If he's the only one who laughs at his own jokes, then you can do better!
If all of your friends think that he is the biggest douchebag they have ever met, then you can do better!
If he was born and raised in the United States but can't spell and uses the grammar of a third grader, then you can do better!
If he starts dating someone new before he has broken up with you, then you can do better!
If at 1 o'clock in the morning when you really want to be sleeping, he forces you to watch Terminator 2, which you both have seen dozens of times, then you can do better!
If he moans every time Megan Fox appears on the TV, then you can do better!
If he tells you he wants to be with you before he's broken up with his current girlfriend, then you can do better!
If he ignores you for two full weeks and has no explanation, then you can do better!
If he questions your commitment after you've been "dating" for 9 months, then you can do better!
If you're in a relationship, but he won't acknowledge that it's a relationship, then you can do better!
If he says "I don't want a relationship, but if you keep coming around, then maybe I'll get used to the idea of having a girlfriend," then you can do better!
If he always changes plans on you at very last minute, then you can do better!
If he can't understand why you're upset that he always changes plans on you at the very last minute, then you can do better!
If he invites you over to his house and leaves you there to go to the bars with all of his guy friends, then you can do better!
If after every time you have sex he says "we really shouldn't do that anymore," then you can do better!
If he says he'll tell his ex about you, and keeps you a secret anyway, then you can do better!
If he takes you to a shitty party and then leaves you to go to a strip club, then you can do better!
If his favorite book is still The Catcher in the Rye, then you can do better!
If he gives you an "I don't want a relationship" talk over a month after the last time you hooked up, then you can do better!
If while you are making out, he asks if you want to go upstairs and "do stuff," then you can do better!
If you only think he's hot when he's wearing hipster glasses, then you can do better!
If he feeds you an entire bottle of wine the first night that you sleep together, then you can do better!
If he hooks up with you even though you're too drunk to find your own apartment building, then you can do better!
If when he gives you his phone number, he writes "The Bastard" under his name, then you can do better!
If he tells people (falsely) that he's done hard drugs in order to appear cooler, then you can do better!
If he has a large (or even small) collection of illegal weapons, then you can do better!
If he forgets your birthday, then you can do better!
If someone addresses him as "Rape-o," then you can do better!
If he writes a poem entitled "Running" the first line of which is "Do you ever feel like you're running?", then you can do better!
If you can out-argue him about Milton's Paradise Lost, when he's read the text and all the commentary and you've only read the text, then you can do better!
If you say I love you because she said it first but immediately have
the urge to take it back, then you can do better!
If he constantly flirts with you but doesn’t understand why you have
the idea that he likes you, then you can do better!
If you feel dirty after sleeping with him, then you can do better!
If you feel dirty after sleeping with her, then you can do better!
If he suddenly stops talking to you, then you can do better!
If he gave you an STD, then you can do better!
If you ever worry that he gave you an STD, then you can do better!
If all your friends say you could catch an STD from him, then you can do better!
If she unfriends you on facebook after breaking up with you, then you can do better!
If you are quickly replaced, then you can do better!
If he is freaked out by the amount of innuendo you can drop into conversation, then you can do better!
If he doesn’t understand why you are uncomfortable becoming the other woman in his open marriage (even if his wife approves), then you can do better!
If he does not kiss you good night after your second date, even though
you were making out earlier in the day, then you can do better!
If she loves you when you are carefree but cannot deal with you at
your lowest point, then you can do better!
If he doesn’t know the difference between your and you’re, then you can do better!
If she makes you feel like her point of view and religion is better than yours, then you can do better!
If he says you never officially dated because you are “not the kind of
girl you take home to mom,” then you can do better!
If he posts his reaction to your break-up in any sort of online status message, then you can do better!
If he goes to Wisconsin and comes back with a British accent, then you can do better!
If you find yourself listening to Patsy Cline's "Someday" when you think about him, then you can do better!
If he thinks that all the food you eat is "weird", then you can do better!
If he kisses both you and your friend within a week, then you can do better!
If he begins a phone conversation by referencing The Shining with "Heeeere's Johnny!", then you can do better!
If he can leave his apartment wearing eyeliner but no deodorant, then you can do better!
If he tells you your original tattoo sucks while sporting a generic jesus cross tattoo, then you can do better!
If he calls you a "make out whore" before proceeding to make out with you and trying to whisk you off to his place, then you can do better!
If he leaves nothing but emotional voicemail messages on your phone, then you can do better!
If he still sleeps with his twenty-five year old sister, then you can do better!
If he hits on you in a public bathroom (and after not washing his hands!), then you can do better!
If he has a shirt that says "dinner: $15, shots: $30, finding out that she's double jointed: priceless" then you can do better!
If you don't love him, then you can (both) do better!
If he gets offended when you tell him you don't want to have sex in the doorway of a random apartment building in the rain, then you can do better!
If he says that when he's famous you can tell people you slept with him, then you can do better!
If he admits to having used techniques from "The Art of Seduction," then you can do better!
If he doesn't listen to you, then you can do better!
If you feel less attractive after spending time with him, then you can do better!
If after you hook up, all your co-workers know the intimate details, then you can do better!
If after you hook up, all your mutual friends know the intimate details, then you can do better!
If he takes you on a date to Hooters, during the course of which he tries to get you to fill out a job application, then you can do better!
If he takes you on a date to Hooters, then you can do better!
If he has a long and douchey conversation with his friend in your presence about why marriage is obsolete, and when you finally give up trying to contribute (which you can't anyways because they're ignoring you) because the conversation is so cliché, he apologizes to you because it's "grad-level," then you can do better!
If he says the Velvet Underground is funny as a concept, and he'll only actually listen to Lou Reed's solo work, then you can do better!
If even his friend, who also made it into this list, warns you away from him, then you can do better!
If he won't kiss you, then you can do better!
If you like men and women, and she won't date you because of it, then you can do better!
If he has a criminal history, then you can do better!
If he makes multiple requests for you and your best friend to make out in front of him, then you can do better!
If he already has six other girlfriends, then you can do better!
If he starts a misogynistic blog in which he recounts personal details about your relationship/sex life, then you can do better!
If he refuses to tell his ex-girlfriend he's in relationship with you after you've been going out for over a year, then you can do better!
If he can't get it up unless you wax your crotch into a state pre-pubescent hairlessness (never mind that his own nether regions resemble a densely overgrown patch of blackberry bushes), then you can do better!
If he makes comments that undermine your self-esteem as a tactic to get you to put out, then you can do better!
If he sends a text message to you and your look-a-like friend the same night, then you can do better!
If he doesn't get your jokes, then you can do better!
If he refers to "Mrs. Dalloway" as "Mrs. Doubtfire," then you can do better!
If he wants monogamy without a real relationship, then you can do better!
If he yells that you don't know what life is really about while he's high on ecstasy, then you can do better!
If he leaves an arrow of hickeys on your lower abdomen, then you can do better!
If he tries to watch tv during sex, then you can do better!
If he calls you "cold-hearted" within the first five minutes of conversation, then you can do better!
If he doesn't make you happy, then you can do better!
If he likes his appearance more than yours, then you can do better!
If he lies about where he is, then you can do better!
If he ignores your comments, then you can do better!
If you only have sex when he wants it, then you can do better!
If he slaps your ass in public, then you can do better!
If his idea of "exchanging music" is him copying all the music on your computer and giving you none, then you can do better!
If he goes by "Satan," then you can do better!
If he feels he has to have a “talk” with you about how you’re not ready for casual sex (and then offers casual sex anyways), then you can do better!
If he’s in his thirties but still goes to hipster bars filled with twenty-somethings, then you can do better!
If he breaks up with you over instant messenger, then you can do better!
If he purposely sits across from you on the bus, only to ignore you completely, then you can do better!
If he lives with his grandmother and has a midnight curfew, then you can do better!
If he makes you pay for his two dollar drinks, then you can do better!
If he brands you and pulls your hair out the first night you hook up, then you can do better!
If he begs to have sex, then you can do better!
If he calls himself a rockstar, then you can do better!
If he calls feminists "feminazis," then you can do better!
If he flirts with your sister (especially your thirteen-year-old sister), then you can do better!
If he tells another woman he's not sleeping with you, then you can do better!
If he’s sleeping with other women (or men) and you want an exclusive relationship, then you can do better!
If he tells you about how another woman moans in bed, then you can do better!
If you can't talk openly about your career moves to him, then you can do better!
If you can't show any of his gifts or cards to your parents, then you can do better!
If his response to "I got in to a woman’s college" is “I can’t wait to watch women make out,” then you can do better!
If he only sends you intermittent text messages, then you can do better!
If he wears tight red pants, then you can do better!
If you feel like you’re doing all the work, then you can do better!
If he tells you about picking up another woman in front of his date, then you can do better!
If he bitches about your housekeeping, then you can do better!
If he doesn’t want to wear a condom, then you can do better!
If he pretends he doesn't have a girlfriend, when you know he does, then you can do better!
If he has a girlfriend, then you can do better!
If he's living with his ex-girlfriend, then you can do better!
If he voted for Bush, then you can do better!
If he thinks Obama is a terrorist, then you can do better!
If he's in love with your best friend, then you can do better!
If you feel like he got all his gifts and compliments to you out of a magazine or romance novel, then you can do better!
If she stalks you and harasses you for a year after breaking up, then you can do better!
If he confuses your bedroom with a toilet, then you can do better!
If you're driving him home and he throws up on your car, then you can do better!
If he gets someone else to call you and invite you to hang out so he can ambush you with a “talk," then you can do better!
If he doesn’t call you within a day of hooking up to check in, then you can do better!
If he's a minute man (or less), then you can do better!
If you like him better when you're drunk, then you can do better!
If he’s only interested in his own stories, then you can do better!
If he wants to take you to a strip club, then you can do better!
If you argue with him for over an hour about whether a girl, whom neither of you know, is or is not a “selfish bitch,” then you can do better!
If he makes comments that make you uncomfortable then refuses to understand why you’re upset, then you can do better!
If all your conversations are one-sided, then you can do better!
If his idea of a “birthday present” when you turn seventeen is “now we’re legal”, then you can do better!
If his only ability to communicate is through inane stories, comments on your surroundings, or snarky comments, then you can do better!
If he hits on all your friends, and every woman in a five-mile radius, then you can do better!
If he doesn’t call you back for an entire weekend during which you guys planned to hang out, then you can better!
If he doesn't want to know your age, then you can do better!
If he lives with his parents after the age of twenty-five, then you can do better!
If he thinks women are most attractive at age seventeen, then you can do better!
If you like him better when he’s high, then you can do better!
If he looks at porn on your cell phone, you can do better!
If he’s selfish in bed, then you can do better!
If he thinks that all women are bitches, then you can do better!
If he’s a self-described “player” or “whore,” then you can do better!