You can do better. It started one night when we realized that we were both pining over the respective guys that we were seeing (or maybe more accurately, trying to see) and evaluating our own behavior towards them, asking what we could have, should have, would have done differently.
Then we realized that we could have, should have, would have done nothing. If the way these men were treating us was making us unhappy, then why should we be questioning ourselves? And "You can do better" was born.
We realized that if someone's behavior is a source of unhappiness or discontent, then not only would we be unable to change the person to make us happier, but it wouldn't even be worth the effort! So we made a list of everything that made us unhappy, everything that we should not allow ourselves to settle for, and said that if someone we were seeing belonged on the list, then we could do better. Sometimes it's funny, sometimes it's heartbreaking, but it's always true. And once it was written down, it was like a big dose of reality and empowerment rolled into one.
The purpose of "You can do better" is not to set impossible standards or refuse to compromise. "You can do better" is about not compromising respect and fulfillment. It doesn't matter if he's into you or not, but if he can't pull it together for you, then you can do better!
If he thinks that all the food you eat is "weird", then you can do better!
If he kisses both you and your friend within a week, then you can do better!
If he begins a phone conversation by referencing The Shining with "Heeeere's Johnny!", then you can do better!
If he can leave his apartment wearing eyeliner but no deodorant, then you can do better!
If he tells you your original tattoo sucks while sporting a generic jesus cross tattoo, then you can do better!
If he calls you a "make out whore" before proceeding to make out with you and trying to whisk you off to his place, then you can do better!
If he leaves nothing but emotional voicemail messages on your phone, then you can do better!
If he still sleeps with his twenty-five year old sister, then you can do better!
If he hits on you in a public bathroom (and after not washing his hands!), then you can do better!
If he has a shirt that says "dinner: $15, shots: $30, finding out that she's double jointed: priceless" then you can do better!
If you don't love him, then you can (both) do better!
If he gets offended when you tell him you don't want to have sex in the doorway of a random apartment building in the rain, then you can do better!
If he says that when he's famous you can tell people you slept with him, then you can do better!
If he admits to having used techniques from "The Art of Seduction," then you can do better!
If he doesn't listen to you, then you can do better!
If you feel less attractive after spending time with him, then you can do better!
If after you hook up, all your co-workers know the intimate details, then you can do better!
If after you hook up, all your mutual friends know the intimate details, then you can do better!
If he takes you on a date to Hooters, during the course of which he tries to get you to fill out a job application, then you can do better!
If he takes you on a date to Hooters, then you can do better!
If he has a long and douchey conversation with his friend in your presence about why marriage is obsolete, and when you finally give up trying to contribute (which you can't anyways because they're ignoring you) because the conversation is so cliché, he apologizes to you because it's "grad-level," then you can do better!
If he says the Velvet Underground is funny as a concept, and he'll only actually listen to Lou Reed's solo work, then you can do better!
If even his friend, who also made it into this list, warns you away from him, then you can do better!
If he won't kiss you, then you can do better!
If you like men and women, and she won't date you because of it, then you can do better!
If he has a criminal history, then you can do better!
If he makes multiple requests for you and your best friend to make out in front of him, then you can do better!
If he already has six other girlfriends, then you can do better!
If he starts a misogynistic blog in which he recounts personal details about your relationship/sex life, then you can do better!
If he refuses to tell his ex-girlfriend he's in relationship with you after you've been going out for over a year, then you can do better!
If he can't get it up unless you wax your crotch into a state pre-pubescent hairlessness (never mind that his own nether regions resemble a densely overgrown patch of blackberry bushes), then you can do better!
If he makes comments that undermine your self-esteem as a tactic to get you to put out, then you can do better!
If he sends a text message to you and your look-a-like friend the same night, then you can do better!
If he doesn't get your jokes, then you can do better!
If he refers to "Mrs. Dalloway" as "Mrs. Doubtfire," then you can do better!
If he wants monogamy without a real relationship, then you can do better!
If he yells that you don't know what life is really about while he's high on ecstasy, then you can do better!
If he leaves an arrow of hickeys on your lower abdomen, then you can do better!
If he tries to watch tv during sex, then you can do better!
If he calls you "cold-hearted" within the first five minutes of conversation, then you can do better!
If he doesn't make you happy, then you can do better!
If he likes his appearance more than yours, then you can do better!
If he lies about where he is, then you can do better!
If he ignores your comments, then you can do better!
If you only have sex when he wants it, then you can do better!
If he slaps your ass in public, then you can do better!
If his idea of "exchanging music" is him copying all the music on your computer and giving you none, then you can do better!
If he goes by "Satan," then you can do better!
If he feels he has to have a “talk” with you about how you’re not ready for casual sex (and then offers casual sex anyways), then you can do better!
If he’s in his thirties but still goes to hipster bars filled with twenty-somethings, then you can do better!
If he breaks up with you over instant messenger, then you can do better!
If he purposely sits across from you on the bus, only to ignore you completely, then you can do better!
If he lives with his grandmother and has a midnight curfew, then you can do better!
If he makes you pay for his two dollar drinks, then you can do better!
If he brands you and pulls your hair out the first night you hook up, then you can do better!
If he begs to have sex, then you can do better!
If he calls himself a rockstar, then you can do better!
If he calls feminists "feminazis," then you can do better!
If he flirts with your sister (especially your thirteen-year-old sister), then you can do better!
If he tells another woman he's not sleeping with you, then you can do better!
If he’s sleeping with other women (or men) and you want an exclusive relationship, then you can do better!
If he tells you about how another woman moans in bed, then you can do better!
If you can't talk openly about your career moves to him, then you can do better!
If you can't show any of his gifts or cards to your parents, then you can do better!
If his response to "I got in to a woman’s college" is “I can’t wait to watch women make out,” then you can do better!
If he only sends you intermittent text messages, then you can do better!
If he wears tight red pants, then you can do better!
If you feel like you’re doing all the work, then you can do better!
If he tells you about picking up another woman in front of his date, then you can do better!
If he bitches about your housekeeping, then you can do better!
If he doesn’t want to wear a condom, then you can do better!
If he pretends he doesn't have a girlfriend, when you know he does, then you can do better!
If he has a girlfriend, then you can do better!
If he's living with his ex-girlfriend, then you can do better!
If he voted for Bush, then you can do better!
If he thinks Obama is a terrorist, then you can do better!
If he's in love with your best friend, then you can do better!
If you feel like he got all his gifts and compliments to you out of a magazine or romance novel, then you can do better!
If she stalks you and harasses you for a year after breaking up, then you can do better!
If he confuses your bedroom with a toilet, then you can do better!
If you're driving him home and he throws up on your car, then you can do better!
If he gets someone else to call you and invite you to hang out so he can ambush you with a “talk," then you can do better!
If he doesn’t call you within a day of hooking up to check in, then you can do better!
If he's a minute man (or less), then you can do better!
If you like him better when you're drunk, then you can do better!
If he’s only interested in his own stories, then you can do better!
If he wants to take you to a strip club, then you can do better!
If you argue with him for over an hour about whether a girl, whom neither of you know, is or is not a “selfish bitch,” then you can do better!
If he makes comments that make you uncomfortable then refuses to understand why you’re upset, then you can do better!
If all your conversations are one-sided, then you can do better!
If his idea of a “birthday present” when you turn seventeen is “now we’re legal”, then you can do better!
If his only ability to communicate is through inane stories, comments on your surroundings, or snarky comments, then you can do better!
If he hits on all your friends, and every woman in a five-mile radius, then you can do better!
If he doesn’t call you back for an entire weekend during which you guys planned to hang out, then you can better!
If he doesn't want to know your age, then you can do better!
If he lives with his parents after the age of twenty-five, then you can do better!
If he thinks women are most attractive at age seventeen, then you can do better!
If you like him better when he’s high, then you can do better!
If he looks at porn on your cell phone, you can do better!
If he’s selfish in bed, then you can do better!
If he thinks that all women are bitches, then you can do better!
If he’s a self-described “player” or “whore,” then you can do better!