You Can Do Better

2011-08-04T10:51:00.001-07:00

If he breaks up with you because "he's not ready and it wouldn't be fair" and then turns around and dates other people, then you can do better!

2011-08-04T10:45:00.001-07:00

If, after you hook up, he recounts graphic details of his various threesomes, then you can do better!

2011-07-22T18:45:00.001-07:00

If he tells you he doesn't think he can ever marry you because you're not into Metallica, then you can do better!

2011-05-16T19:31:00.001-07:00

If he buys your drinks but texts you two days later to say that you owe him for it, then you can do better!

2011-05-16T19:28:00.000-07:00

If he starts dating two Russian prostitutes immediately after breaking up with you, then you can do better!

2011-05-02T20:08:00.000-07:00

If he thinks that regaling you with stories about playing "Edward Forty-Hands" in college is good conversation, then you can do better!

2011-05-02T19:28:00.000-07:00

If he thinks Obama wasn't born in the US, then you can do better!

2011-04-25T19:40:00.002-07:00

If he tells you that you "don't know what real pain is" while you are in labor with his child, then you can do better!

2011-04-25T19:40:00.001-07:00

(for boys) If she won't let you have a bachelor party, then you can do better!

2011-04-20T20:25:00.001-07:00

If he tells you that he has an Asian fetish, and makes moaning sounds when an Asian woman walks by, then you can do better!

2011-04-20T20:24:00.001-07:00

If he hits on you via Twitter, then you can do better!

2011-04-17T14:39:00.001-07:00

If he only calls you between girlfriends, then you can do better!

2011-04-17T14:38:00.001-07:00

If he says that he'll call you once he breaks up with his girlfriend, then you can do better!

2010-11-29T15:47:00.002-08:00

If he never asks you how you are, then you can do better!

2010-11-29T15:47:00.001-08:00

If he tells you that you aren't 'allowed' to get a tattoo, then details the one that he is planning to get, then you can do better!

2010-11-29T15:46:00.001-08:00

If he doesn't notice your eyes glazing over, then you can do better!

2010-11-25T21:15:00.000-08:00

If his interest in seeing you seems to have a direct positive correlation with your disinterest in seeing him, then you can do better!

2010-11-25T21:14:00.002-08:00

If he has a veritable shag-rug of back hair (even if he shaves it just for you), then you can do better!

2010-11-25T21:14:00.001-08:00

If he listens to self help books on tape to get to sleep, then you can do better.

2010-11-25T21:10:00.000-08:00

If he suggests that you listen to his creepy self help books on tape to get to sleep (because he made you cry), then you can do better!

2010-11-24T16:55:00.000-08:00

If he communicates important information concerning your relationship by cc'ing you on an email to someone else, then you can do better!

2010-11-21T10:07:00.003-08:00

If he texts you asking if you're up for "a little slap and tickle," then you can do better!

2010-11-21T10:07:00.001-08:00

If he posts a picture of his butt crack on Facebook, then you can do better!

2010-11-10T06:30:00.000-08:00

(For the boys:)If she mistakes a picture of your brother for you and says that you look much better without your glasses, then you can do better!

2010-10-27T13:23:00.000-07:00

If he says he doesn't think about you when the two of you aren't together, then you can do better!

2010-10-26T18:46:00.003-07:00

If you find yourself constantly explaining why it doesn't matter that you find him unattractive, then you can do better!

2010-10-24T20:08:00.001-07:00

If the best compliment he's given you recently is "god, I forgot what a porn star you are" while you are pleasuring him orally, then you can do better!

2010-10-24T13:20:00.001-07:00

If he calls his penis his "d" in a text message and then goes on to describe what he wants you to do to it, then you can do better!

2010-10-24T13:16:00.002-07:00

If he describes his ideal life partner and she's the exact opposite of you, then you can do better!

2010-10-24T13:16:00.001-07:00

If he uses you to gain a bus driver's sympathy to duck out of a two dollar bus fare, then you can do better!

2010-10-24T13:15:00.000-07:00

If your second date is in court, then you can do better!

2010-10-24T09:18:00.000-07:00

If you spend an amazing week together and when you leave she refuses to stay in contact with you, then you can do better!

2010-10-24T09:17:00.000-07:00

If she tells you she started seeing someone the DAY after you've returned from visiting her half-way around the world, then you can do better!

2010-10-24T09:15:00.000-07:00

If you spend time and money to cross thousands of miles to visit him and he doesn't think it's worth it to do the same for you, then you can do better!

2010-10-24T09:11:00.001-07:00

If he promises to visit you, later tells you he doesn't have the time, and instead spends two months road tripping across the states with another girl, then you can do better!

2010-10-24T08:45:00.000-07:00

If he calls you "cuddlecake," then you can do better!

2010-10-24T08:44:00.002-07:00

If, immediately after taking your number, he asks if you've ever been a mistress before and if, when you decline, he sends a text attempting to explain himself as follows: "I just wanted to be honest with you," then you can do better!

2010-10-24T08:44:00.001-07:00

If he wants you to wear pigtails and ruffled socks, then you can do better!

2010-10-24T08:43:00.005-07:00

If he enjoys offending you, then you can do better.

2010-10-24T08:43:00.004-07:00

If he has a Boston accent, but isn't even from Boston, then you can do better!

2010-10-24T08:43:00.003-07:00

If he turns sweet nothings into a competition, then you can do better.

2010-10-24T08:43:00.001-07:00

If he says he just doesn't think about you when you aren't together, then you can do better!

2010-10-24T08:42:00.001-07:00

If he had sex with your friend, then decides that he wants you, and texts her after you turn him down, then you can do better!

2010-10-24T08:41:00.002-07:00

If he says, "we're both broken," then you can do better!

2010-10-24T08:41:00.001-07:00

If he licks you and says, "you taste salty, like a saltine cracker," then you can do better!

2010-10-24T08:40:00.000-07:00

If he buys a ticket to fly out of state to see another girl the day after you fly out of state to see him, then you can do better!

2010-02-27T15:23:00.001-08:00

If he makes you pay for your own drinks, then you can do better!

2010-02-10T16:13:00.000-08:00

If she gets banned from a jail, then you can do better!

2010-02-10T12:59:00.000-08:00

If he gives you back "the sweater you left at his apartment," but it clearly belongs to another girl, then you can do better!

2010-02-09T15:19:00.001-08:00

If he gets banned for life from the dive bar at which he has been a regular for months, then you can do better!

2010-01-30T19:09:00.001-08:00

If he think he's complimenting you when he tells you you're the least man-hating feminist he's ever met, then you can do better!

2010-01-30T19:08:00.000-08:00

If he assumes you will enjoy cherry flavored cloves "because you're a girl," then you can do better!

2010-01-30T19:07:00.002-08:00

If he's a fan of taxidermy (unless you also are), then you can do better!

2010-01-30T19:07:00.001-08:00

If he flirts with you by showing you the pictures in his iphone, then you can do better!

2010-01-30T19:06:00.002-08:00

If he follows you around to "protect" you (inspired by Twilight), then you can do better!

2010-01-30T19:06:00.001-08:00

If he sneaks into your room to watch you sleep (inspired by Twilight), then you can do better!

2010-01-30T19:05:00.001-08:00

If he asks you to fix his car so he can date another girl (inspired by Archie Comics), then you can do better!

2010-01-13T08:02:00.002-08:00

If he says he "doesn't believe anything crazy... like evolution," then you can do better!

2010-01-13T08:02:00.001-08:00

If he would prefer to email back and forth with you than see you in person, then you can do better!

2010-01-13T08:01:00.000-08:00

If on your first date, he's fallen asleep by the time you get back from the bathroom, then you can do better!

2009-12-13T13:10:00.000-08:00

If you're in a relationship and he refers to you in conversation with exes and/or female friends as "some girlfriend" (as in "I was at the party with some girlfriend"), then you can do better!

2009-12-13T13:03:00.000-08:00

If you've confessed to having liked him for more than a year and he drunk dials you one night to ask if he "should go to bed or...", then you can do better!

2009-12-13T13:02:00.001-08:00

If he invites you to his concert, where you don't know many people, only to ignore you most of the night, then you can do better!

2009-12-13T12:57:00.000-08:00

If he says he likes you, then starts hooking up with your best friend, but tells you he still likes you a few months later, then you can do better!

2009-12-11T10:36:00.001-08:00

If he gets you a stuffed STD bacteria for your birthday, then you can do better!

2009-12-11T10:35:00.000-08:00

If he spends the whole night telling you how awesome he is while trying to look down your shirt, then you can do better!

2009-12-06T09:39:00.001-08:00

If he asks whether a friend of yours is seeing someone, and on learning that she is, asks whether you are and says you're "pretty cute," then you can do better!

2009-12-06T09:37:00.000-08:00

If he is a shameless flirt with you and every other girl in sight, but he turns out to have a girlfriend, then you can do better!

2009-12-06T09:36:00.000-08:00

If he hits on you all day and then invites you along as a third wheel on his date, then you can do better!

2009-10-25T19:54:00.000-07:00

If he says "I was wearing ironic t-shirts before it was cool," then you can do better!

2009-10-12T10:20:00.000-07:00

If he cheated on you with someone he met at a gas station, then you can do better!

2009-10-12T10:16:00.001-07:00

If at any point in the relationship you feel it necessary to use a lie detector on him, then you can do better!

2009-10-10T23:38:00.002-07:00

If during your date, you get a fortune in your cookie that says, "Watch your relations with other people carefully; be reserved," then you can (probably) do better!

2009-10-10T23:38:00.001-07:00

If when he takes your hand, the first thing that comes to mind is "I can't wait till he lets go," then you can do better!

2009-10-10T23:37:00.001-07:00

If you met him on a reality TV show, then you can do better!

2009-10-08T14:23:00.000-07:00

If he has appeared or could possibly appear on VH1's "Tool Academy," then you can do better!

2009-09-28T10:44:00.001-07:00

If he doesn't bother to let you know he's going out of town when you had plans to hang out, then you can do better!

2009-09-28T10:42:00.001-07:00

If you find yourself telling him that you have a boyfriend when you really don't, then you can (both) do better!

2009-09-28T10:41:00.002-07:00

If everyone tells you you're the perfect couple and you feel like you talk about everything but he breaks up with you anyway without any kind of warning and says it's because he's not happy, then you can do better!

2009-09-28T10:41:00.001-07:00

If he lies about his feelings for any length of time before breaking up with you and even goes as far as to tell you he loves you before breaking up with you, hugs you while he says "I'm breaking up with you" and gives you a sympathetic smile afterwards, then you can do better!

2009-09-14T09:04:00.003-07:00

If sometimes he greets you with a hug, but other times he acts like he barely knows you, then you can do better!

2009-09-11T06:32:00.000-07:00

If he begins statements with "all men" and what follows is a generalization about their sexual preferences, then you can do better!

2009-09-10T08:18:00.000-07:00

If he proposes marriage because you mention that you inherited 2,000 dollars, then you can do better!

2009-09-10T07:53:00.000-07:00

If he cuts you off when you're discussing your thesis topic with the statement "I'm a student of the law," then you can do better!

2009-09-10T07:51:00.001-07:00

If he tells you that your shyness makes him "want to do weird stuff to you," then you can do better!

2009-09-10T07:24:00.000-07:00

If he rear-ends someone with your car and then makes you switch places so it looks like you were in the driver's seat all along, then you can do better!

2009-09-10T07:22:00.000-07:00

If after you've told him you have a crush on him, you ask how he feels about it, and he answers "neutral, but not repulsed," then you can do better!

2009-09-10T07:18:00.000-07:00

If he vomits out his car window while driving, but doesn't stop the car or slow down, then you can do better!

2009-09-10T07:16:00.000-07:00

If he thinks he has had a successful summer because he got three people to take up smoking, then you can do better!

2009-09-10T07:09:00.000-07:00

If he has, or has had a reputation as the "dormitory bicycle," then you can do better!

2009-09-09T06:53:00.001-07:00

If the thought of him reproducing makes you cringe, then you can do better!

2009-09-08T10:01:00.000-07:00

If your introduction to him involves him breaking a glass (because he's stoned) which lodges shards in your foot, then you can do better!

2009-09-08T10:00:00.001-07:00

If he's stoned so often that you can't distinguish when he is from when he isn't, then you can do better!

2009-09-08T09:59:00.002-07:00

If rereading one old email from her makes you feel instantly suffocated, then you can do better!

2009-09-08T09:59:00.001-07:00

If she feels compelled to say "It's not like I'm needy, but...", then you can do better!

2009-09-08T09:54:00.000-07:00

If he inexplicably and noticably avoids eye contact for an entire night after flirting with you, then you can do better!

2009-09-06T13:29:00.001-07:00

If he goes to a party with his ex and has a drunken "accident," then you can do better!

2009-09-06T11:10:00.000-07:00

If his idea of courtship is trying to get you to drink at work and then leave early to hook up with him, then you can do better!

2009-09-06T11:08:00.001-07:00

If he makes that gesture that involves holding up both fingers to his mouth and sticking out his tongue (you know what I'm talking about), especially referring to two girls who are merely greeting each other in a friendly manner, then you can do better!

2009-09-04T07:19:00.001-07:00

If even (to be distinguished from only) in your dreams he's a jerk, then you can do better!